Being a First-Generation American, Finding Willpower to Increase the Quality of Life

Hey. My name is Julia Anna Moore. Most people call me Jules. I am a first generation American. I am also a first generation college student. There’s a lot of pressure on me, and all of the other first generation Americans who stand beside me. 

Our parents came here, suitcase in hand, most probably didn’t speak a lot of English. They all worked some shit, under-the-table, low wage jobs until they got to a better place. Some of them had a degree, but sometimes it wasn’t worth anything in the US. They all did the most they could, for the future of their children. We were all brought here at a young age, or were born here, to a family of hard working persons and high expectations. Some of us didn’t fulfill those expectations, some are still working at it, some have exceeded the expectations set by our parents. We’re all at different points on this path.

I haven’t met most of the expectations set out for me. I was supposed to be a doctor, have my own practice and family before 30, but that’s just not me. I’m an artist, a creator. That’s not really widely accepted by my family because they just want me to have the best life possible, without the obstacle of money... like they did. That is completely understandable, because they struggled through life, so I didn't have to struggle as much.

my creative flow

But I struggled in my own way, as all people do.

We first-generation Americans grew up working hard, trying to do well in school or whatever else we dove head first into, whether that would be a sport, music, etc. We didn’t want to disappoint our parents because we knew what they had to do to put us in the best possible position. It was a constant push and pull between wanting to make them happy and making ourselves happy.

And then there is the pressure of simply being a foreigner in America. Especially in 2019, being connected to anything outside the US feels almost like a sin these days. I always felt ashamed of my Eastern European descent, and the culture I grew up in. When I was young, I spoke English with an accent because Polish was my mother tongue. Kids made fun of me. Of course, that accent eventually went away because I went to public school in English. I didn’t want to speak my maternal language. I didn’t understand how fortunate I was to be bilingual because I was young, and I only felt immediate pain when I was being bullied, all because I wasn’t the same. 

I didn’t understand how fortunate I was to be exposed to something other than the small towns I lived in. To be born to parents who have seen a lot of fucked up shit. To also, personally, experience some fucked up shit. 

I eventually learned how lucky I was. As all first-generation Americans eventually learn. 

But we live in volatile and scary times in the US. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised to wake up one day with an order to leave the country because my parents are immigrants, or some other insane situation. 

We’re told that this is the land of opportunity, so we work hard to make that dream a reality. At the same time, we are told that because our skin is a different color, we come from a mixed ethnic background, our parents don’t have good connections, or simply because we are women... that we have no chance. So why bother? Why bother even trying to succeed if we are destined to align at a certain socioeconomic status, hold certain jobs, have a certain number of children, to live a certain number of years, etc.

That’s how we create divide in our country. We brag about how there is class mobility, and yes, there is class mobility because there are plenty opportunities for people to make their quality of living better, but those opportunities have strings attached most of the time. So it's easy to not even attempt to make life better. In addition, human beings are weak, even though we are the most intelligent species on the planet. A lot of us don’t have the willpower or motivation to take our lives to the next level because it’s easier to just fit into our predetermined space in society. 

That notion is learned from a young age, which is taught by our public education system. Yes, some teachings come from home, but when a child spends 8 hours in school and 2 hours on the school bus with friends, how much time does that leave for parents to make the bigger impact? Especially when they come home tired from working all day, and they barely have the energy to simply make dinner, make sure they do their homework, get them ready for the next day, read them a bedtime story, try to be the best parent possible and take on all of these responsibilities of raising the child(ren). When do they have the chance to talk about success, enough to make the kid really think about it? 

southern poland, around where my family is from

It has to come from our children’s core curriculum at a young age. They need to all know they all have the willpower within themselves to work hard. Rather than making the schoolwork easier so that they can all coast through 13 years of education and graduate high school without any real skills. We have to give our children equal opportunities so they all have a good shot at giving themselves a better life. 

And this doesn’t mean push every kid into college. We need varying opportunities like community college, high level institutions, technical schools, etc. Every person is different, and will excel in different areas. This idea would require a complete reform of our education system. I don’t see that happening anytime soon, so this education of willpower and success has to continue to come from home, and from the self. 

No matter what class of people you come from, first generation, immigrant, transgender, low-income rural... know that if you want something enough, you will do anything to get it. You WILL make it work. Keep reminding yourself about your goals and reach them. Fulfill your own expectations. You can teach an old dog new tricks, so retrain your brain to absolutely 100% know that you can make your life better. Keep moving along. 

Take opportunity by the reigns. Take the leap of faith. Use your experience and struggles to your advantage. Reframe "failure" as a learning experience. Become proud of who you are. Build your own life based on your own rules. Find the willpower and motivation to increase your quality of life. Become mobile. Be the change you want to see. Don't allow anyone to tell you that you are lesser because of where you come from.

Be grateful that you're a first-generation American. It gives you something special that you should take advantage of, especially in this quickly paced time of change.