So I can't say if everyone struggles with staying authentic on web platforms and social media like Instagram. Maybe some don't have an issue with just putting awesome pictures online and leaving it at that. I have this weird internal struggle with being my most authentic self online, though.
I don't have an issue being authentic in real life. I adore being around people, meeting new people, figuring out who they are, listening to their life experiences, and just hanging out with a mutual and subconscious understanding that our paths have crossed for now. I am a little introverted when it comes to winding down though. My friends give me shit for turning in early and drinking only one glass of wine. I have an urge to be the best version of myself everyday, but obviously that takes a lot of energy in our modern world. If only there was a way to get rid of all other distractions in life. I guess that would mean I would have to be completely minimalist and toss my technology.
Honestly, that doesn't even sound too bad. People these days just want more of everything. More content, more friends, more clothes, more episodes, etc. I want less.
"I want less."
I present my real life online. The awesome adventures and views I get to see is not without work, though. A lot of hard work goes into what I am able to reward myself with. No one sees how many hours I sit behind a computer working, or my ambitions on the side hustle, my second job, the amount of homework I have, and chores. I'm sure everyone's life is similar to that. No one would want to see a boring work life online, just the good parts, right?
Well it's all good. Even if the job sucks, or theres a moment when I want to rip my hair out, I bring myself back down and tell myself that it's something I probably won't remember in a year, so I don't need to fret so much over it.
Honestly I go through so many phases it's so hard to keep up with even myself. In the end, I always come to the conclusion that I just want to be happy. The things that make me happy only shift slightly depending on what experiences I am having in life. Simple moments, being outdoors, not having to worry about my appearance, loving others, drinking a good ass cup of coffee, traveling to new places, skiing in fresh powder, and the smell of a camp fire after rain. Those all are just pure, happy, eye-opening moments.
Those moments make me feel actually alive in my own skin. I can feel my bones, the blood pumping through my body, the sunlight on the back of my neck. Sitting behind a computer doing work is monotoned and is wasted time in my life. But yet, I still do it.
I'm not sure why, I guess I'm scared of instability. I'm scared of losing what I worked for. But I keep reminding myself that I got here by working hard, I can get anywhere by working hard. And I have a lifetime to do it. Instability is what motivates me. It's where I thrive.
So when it seems like I have a nice stable life online, it's true. I do. I worked for that, but now I am feeling like my brain has been uprooted from its original stem that has been shaped by society and put on a brain stem that is realizing what life should really be used for. To not be forgotten. Not to acquire as many things and people as possible.
I have a hard time letting go of people. That's why I stay on social media. I love to see what they're up to, where they are, how they are doing. But again, that is the facade of social media. I think I know what they're up to, where and how they are. I don't actually know. I only message the people in my inner circle anyway, because humans only have so much energy for so many people.
It's true that technology has made us much more efficient to check up on people and connect with them, but we're just validating that we even know these people because we follow them on a platform. Maybe we used to know them, or we met them once at a party, or we were supposed to meet up with them but the plan failed. Of course, if something bad happened we would feel sadness and grief over that person. But it would not be quite the same as if we'd grieve over our best friend, brother, snowboarding buddy, close co-worker, or mother.
We have this weird illusion of having a relationship with people through the internet, but concern and care may not be there on a high level like with a real relationship. So are we wasting our time?
That's to be argued.
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